My Story

Three Little Pigs

The Three Little Pigs: a fable about three pigs who built three houses of different materials

I thought of this title, as it makes me smile to liken our babies to a children’s story. Like the three little pigs, our three made incremental progress, living for longer each time. Although we haven’t yet brought a baby home to our house of bricks, I hope our dedication – like that third little piggy – will eventually pay off.

It might sound mean to refer to them like that: three little pigs (even though my babies always made me so ravenous, I loved food even more when pregnant!), but I mean it in the nicest possible way. If you think about it though, babies are little parasites (see, a brutal truth, AKA: BRUTH!); that’s always how I often jokily referred to my three anyway. So if you find “parasites” a less than endearing term, little piggies are hopefully an improvement. You’re welcome.

So let me briefly introduce you to mine. The three reasons for my blog and the three reasons why my life so often feels like it lacks meaning.

Piglet number 1: BoC

If you thought “pig” or “parasite” was a bad nickname for a baby, just wait until you hear what BoC stands for! I’ll explain this in a later blog. BoC was our first baby. S/he wasn’t with us for as long as we’d have liked (forever), but I think he was a boy. BoCcy was my first experience of pregnancy. All my hopes, excitement and dreams, wrapped up in two little lines on a pregnancy test. We never got to see his heart beat. Like all my babies, at some point his heart stopped, but my love for him did not.

Date we received the happy news: Tuesday 16th October 2018
Date we received the sad news: Thursday 15th November 2018
Age: 7 weeks, 2 days

Piglet number 2: My Baby

We were lucky enough to fall pregnant fairly quickly after our first miscarriage. Again, it was all going so well. Minimum pregnancy symptoms, lots of careful exercise and healthy eating. But then I started to bleed. We had a few scares, but we were reassured and rewarded every time with a strong beating heart. But as I’ve come to learn, a scan is just a snapshot in time. My last scan was on Mothers’ Day and it was absolutely perfect. The sonographer pointed out the bladder and stomach – we had no idea that you could see that at 11 weeks! The very next day, I miscarried.

Date we received the happy news: Sunday 17th February 2019
Date we received the sad news: Monday 1st April 2019
Age: 11 weeks, 1 day

Piglet number 3: Summer

Possibly the most photographed baby in the world. We had lots of lovely scans with this little one. I’m not joking, she always waved at us, like she knew we were watching. We even managed to capture a little wave in a video. We eventually got past that 12 week milestone and were able to tell family/friends. We were able to do the long planned baby reveal, but it was a difficult pregnancy. Summer was the baby we finally got to meet, but she was born extremely premature. She was with us for just over an hour, but she was yet another who couldn’t stay.

Date we received the happy news: Friday 29th November 2019 
Date of birth and death: Monday 9th March 2020
Age: 19 weeks, 5 days


(7) Comments

  1. Lauren says:

    This breaks my heart and I had no idea. You are so brave for putting this out there as I have so many worries and know nothing about baby loss. I’m currently 16 weeks and every single day I panic and worry as you just never know what’s going to happen. Sending you so much love and thank you for doing this xxx

  2. Reena says:

    Writing it down succinctly is not easy when it’s feelings and emotions you’ve had for such a long time. These are dates and times you will never forget but hopefully time will heal xx

  3. Bhavika says:

    Thank you for being so brave and sharing this Anj. Thank you for not only telling us about your experience but being the voice for so many people. Your story is heartbreaking but I hope sharing it helps you to heal x

  4. Suzanne Sivanandan says:

    Anjulie my heart absolutely breaks for you and James.
    It is so wonderful that you have made this blog; I’m sure it will bring a lot of strength to others who go through similar experiences and also brings awareness to all.
    I can’t imagine the pain and heartache you are both going through having lost three precious little angels. You will be in my thoughts and prayers, I truly hope that one day you will bring a little baby home to your house of bricks. Sending you so so much love. Xxx

  5. Kirst says:

    I remember so clearly receiving the news of each of your three pregnancies, Anj.
    Tuesday, 16th October – you and I met for dinner and a catch up that evening, and I noticed you weren’t drinking. You went home and did the test… the two little lines… BoCcy. The start of the most beautiful, and most heart wrenching, journey of your life so far.
    You three little pigs, how precious and loved they were, are, and always will be.

  6. Laura says:

    Just wanted to send a message to say a huge thank you for speaking up and sharing your experiences. I was directed to your blog by a friend as I have experienced 4 miscarriages over the past couple of years and have too struggled with grief. I have found the feeling of loneliness overwhelming and the courage of another to speak out is truly inspiring. Grief is such a personal thing, I will never completely know how you feel, but please know that I understand you, I understand your pain – I stand with you and am praying for your/our rainbow baby. X

    1. Anjulie says:

      Hi Laura, thank you so much for getting in touch. I am sorry for the delayed response, but please know that this is my first response to a comment on Mumoirs. When I started this blog, my most ambitious goal was to reach a stranger (as I can’t make any sense from this situation, I just need something good to come from it). I’m so grateful my goal was achieved, and so quickly – so thank you for that.

      I hate to say anything which may sound trite like “sorry for your losses”, even though I really am. Instead I’ll say: I hear you and I’m with you. So please know that when I write going forwards, I will be writing with you in mind. If there’s anything you’d like me to discuss or blog my thoughts on, please let me know. Take care of yourself. Anjulie xx

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