Surviving

Thrive (verb): To grow or develop well or vigorously; prosper; flourish

I’m not getting into it, but I’m not a Meghan Markle fan (controversial bruth!), but one thing she once said, did strike me, even though it irritated me at the time:

“It’s not enough just to survive something, right? That’s not the point of life. You’ve got to thrive, you’ve got to feel happy”

So much of baby loss is just surviving. The irony being, you have no choice in the matter.

In my case of recurrent pregnancy loss, I can’t even remember what it was like, when we used to thrive as a couple. So much of life has become about survival mode: surviving the death of Summer, trying (and failing) to get through this together, bracing myself for all the pregnancy announcements (genuinely losing days to this), the incessant wait for medical tests / being able to try again and attempting to get through these endless months of Covid restrictions.

I’m am tired of surviving. So I’m making a list of some of the things I used to enjoy, before all this baby loss crap. Maybe one day, we can thrive again.

The Things I Used to Enjoy:	The Challenges:	The Semi-Serious Suggestions:	The Serious Solutions:
Dinner parties	Covid Geographical distance of friends Other people’s childcare	Make new friends	Let others host, so they can put their children to bed Suggest friends get something called a babysitter
Holidays	Covid Can’t plan ahead! What if I’m pregnant?	Stay at home forever, you’re a hermit now anyway	Be prepared to book, cancel and reschedule holidays
Coffee and cake with friends	Covid Geographical distance of friends Other people’s childcare	Make new friends	Travel to where your friends are, to make it easier for them
Drinks with friends	Covid Other people’s childcare Pregnant / breastfeeding friends not drinking	Make new friends Have a bottle of wine to yourself	Travel to where your friends are, to make it easier for them
Weekends with friends	Covid Other people’s childcare Children are exhausting	Make new friends	Schedule and plan adult evening activites and honour them, even if you’re all too tired
House guests	Covid Our house can’t sleep all the growing families Children eat at weird times Children are exhausting	Make new friends	Schedule and plan adult evening activites and honour them, even if you’re all too tired
Party planning (I would have liked a 10 year anniversary party next year, adults only)	Covid Can’t plan ahead! What if I’m pregnant? What if I’m not? Depressing. Other people’s childcare	Don’t bother with parties until you yourself are in need of a bouncy castle or a hired llama	Just wait and see what happens. You can always have an 11 or 12 year party, there are no rules for these things

Some people read this stuff and think I hate children. Some people are stupid.

Do you know the people who might say that? The same people who say “I think children MAKE a wedding” – ha! The couple getting married, make the wedding! Just like friendship is between friends, or a relationship, between two people.

Once we’re done surviving, it just looks like we’ll be sacrificing. Can’t say that sounds much like thriving.

Darn it, this was genuinely supposed to be a blog to cheer me up. Forgot that it’s no fun being the only childless ones.

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