Living With Grief

What Not To Say

Grief (noun): intense sorrow, especially caused by someone’s death

If you know someone who is grieving and you think “I don’t know what to say” – just try.

Because just imagine if everyone took your approach. Where would your grieving friend be?


With no one to talk to. Genuinely thinking that you don’t care. Even if they don’t respond, they still know that you’re there and thinking of them.

One of the things that’s hurt me the most, in this whole journey, is the people who said nothing. The friends and family and colleagues who ignored my pain, who ignored my children.

If grief is uncomfortable for you, imagine what it’s like for the person going through it: if something is hard to do, perhaps it’s all the more worthwhile.

So what’s the one thing not to say to someone who’s grieving? Nothing.

(2) Comments

  1. Hannah G says:

    I’ve just finished reading your blog cover to cover. It’s hard to put a response into words (so I thought this post would be an appropriate one to try to do so). I know you wrote that you have been called brave but not felt it, but you really are. For putting your most vulnerable thoughts and feelings out there.

    I always thought I was a pretty decent empathiser, that I tried to imagine how someone might be feeling but your writing truly shows how ‘tip of the iceberg’ an outsider’s idea is, how much more there is to the losses you’ve experienced. Things I would never have thought of that reverberate through every aspect of your life. It’s quite overwhelming to read.

    Thank you for sharing. Xxx

  2. Dr Lavina Sehgal says:

    Dear Anjulie, got your blog link just today from bhabhi ji. I am your Aunt Dr lavina, from Chandigarh, India. Your friend above has written so aptly-that you are really brave with a beautiful smile on your face.

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