Launch (verb): To start or set in motion
Dear actual-real-life, someone-other-than-me reader,
So it’s here: Tuesday 9th June 2020, it’s “launch” day for my blog. No party, no fanfare, just a few messages to let friends and family know that I’ve privately been scribbling away at a blog (and hopefully to stop people simply asking “How Are You?”)
I decided to unveil it today as it’s three months to the day that we lost Summer. Three whole months. It feels so much longer. Three months in itself brings a new season, so it does however feel rather fitting.
My greatest hope is that it touches and helps a stranger. My greatest fear is that it inadvertently offends someone who’s been through it. Please know that all of my individual blogs have been written quickly, in one sitting, with my main intention being to process and heal. Cheesy as that sounds. I just need to get this out of my head. I need to see it on paper and I need people to understand what it’s like and why I say and do the things I do. Funerals do not bring closure, nothing does. But blogs may bring healing? Who knows, it’s worth a shot (and Hamilton taught me to never throw away my shot).
I’ve felt quite proud putting this together, especially learning a completely new tech skill (I genuinely still don’t know how to work my living room TV, but I’m secretly proud of that odd fact too) and being able to structure the rambling thoughts in my mad head, quite prettily on the page.
Now that it’s time to put it all out there in the public domain, it’s terrifying. In this journey of grief, people have called me strong and brave; I don’t feel any of those things, I never have. I just keep getting up each day. In all honesty, all I feel right now is a little bit sick, knowing that people are going to be taking a deep dive into my head soon. I’m glad it’s a weekday and that I have a busy work day to distract me.
Please let me know if you love it, hate it, if you have suggested topics or want to hear more about something. All I ask is that you’re brave and use the comments function, so please do interact on here. (If ever I revisit a certain frame of mind, I plan to revisit the post and your comments too). More than anything, I hope that you too get something from my Mumoirs. I really do.
So, it’s time. This blog is for my three babies. It’s been brought to fruition however on this sunny day, for my beautiful Summer, to help me through this dark winter of my life, without her.
While I should still be growing a bump, I’ll be nurturing a pile of blogs.
Ready for an understatement?
Man, that sucks.
With love, Anjulie xx