My Musings

The 43 Day Cycle

28 day cycle (Anjulie’s dictionary): Women living the dream, with (if they’re lucky) a chance of getting pregnant, every single month!

First off, who are these people who have a 28 day cycle? Apparently that’s the average. You women are my absolute heroes. I don’t need to know anything more about you: 28 day cycle? Legend.

Cue me. I’m going to call myself, Mrs 43. FORTY-THREE CYCLE DAYS – and that’s if it’s a good “month”.

NORMAL PEOPLE: 365 /28 = 13
ABNORMAL ME: 365 / 43 = 8.48

So I have 8 chances of getting pregnant each year. That’s a third less than normal people. Good old polycystic ovaries – the gift that just keeps on giving.

So yeah, at this point, a 28 day cycle feels like a myth, an urban legend, an absolute dream.

So how does mine go? The thoughts and feelings are like clockwork:

Cycle Days 1 – 4: Hello Old Frenemy

  • I get my period
  • Of course I’m not pregnant, why did I even think I could be?
  • Why did I finally think there would be some good news?

But then there’s the clutching at straws, the hollow pep-talk:

  • “At least” I’m having a more ‘regular’ cycle
  • “At least” I was able to pinpoint ovulation this time

Cycle Days 5-11: Reality Strikes

  • I can’t believe what’s happened to us
  • Yet another month has passed
  • Summer’s 2nd birthday is really soon
  • Two years, over four years in total
  • We’re obviously destined to be that sad charity case couple that people talk about, the ones who just weren’t able to have a baby
  • This is hopeless

Cycle days 12 – 20: What If?

  • It’s nearly time
  • Maybe, just maybe, this month it will happen?
  • We’re due some good luck, surely?
  • I have been pregnant naturally three times before

Cycle Days 21-24: High fertility! Go go go!

You and me, baby, ain’t nothing but mammals, so let’s do it like they do on the discovery channel

Cycle Days 25-28: Uh-Oh

  • I’ve not had a peak fertility read yet
  • What if I haven’t ovulated this month?
  • But what if I hit peak fertility tomorrow? Do we go again?
  • But the guidance is every 2-3 days, what if that reduces the sperm quality?
  • But what if we miss the window?
  • Oh god, am I not even ovulating any more?

Days 29 – 43: The Two Week Wait

  • Am I allowed to drink tonight?
  • I know it’s still early, but I’ll test, just in case
  • *Negative pregnancy test*
  • Could these be pregnancy symptoms?
  • I should test, just in case
  • *Second negative pregnancy test*

Cycle Day 43 (or 1) = Period Arrives

  • Of course I’m not pregnant
  • How stupid of me to have thought otherwise
  • Of course we don’t get a happy ending
  • Consolation crumb: “at least” I had a cycle
  • It could be worse – yeah Anj, but it also could be a lot better

So that’s it, that’s where I’ve been while AWOL this month. Aging (what feels like rapidly, turning 36 does feel old) and all hope for 2021 officially over.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, indeed.

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